Introduction To The Noise Field

I stopped thinking that others might or might not understand what it is that I spend my days trying to articulate. I had to begin having faith at some point that my studies, my research, and my hard work over these last few decades had not been in vain.

I was never trying to prove anything. I repeatedly told people that I was not a scientist. I am an artist, for lack of a better word. A good way to put it would be that whatever it is that I do, I do it best and it involves Art, History, and Philosophy.

That would make it an interdisciplinary practise if I was a real scholar, like an academic of some kind, recognized by his peers. I am only recognized by my peers as a professional painter, so that's what I tell people my profession is. I also have a degree in computer-assisted sound design, so that technically would make me a qualified sound designer. I do practise the design science of sound and audio manipulation, though I also have a long-standing practise of musical composition, musical interpretation, song-writing, what have you.

I studied the recording arts, but am not an engineer. The term 'audio engineer' is a misnomer and in the 21st century it doesn't make much sense any more. In the old days, there really were full-blown engineers, electrical engineers, individuals working in electronics at the analog hardware level. One could say that they were experts with great technical mastery not only in the recording arts but in acoustic technology in general.

That is what I aspire to, but cannot permit myself to study electronics and electrical media with wild abandon until I an signed up for classes in a recognized institution of higher learning, in an engineering program. I only had one official, authentic electronics class and I instantly had to be honest with myself: I may have all sorts of talents, but electronics, electricity, circuits, wires, currents, amps and ohms and so forth and electromagnetism, physics as well, as well as most of those 'higher' more 'advanced' levels of mathematics... I maybe had the profound intuition and easy understanding, but that in my heart and mind would never qualify me as anything more than someone with great admiration, but from a very great distance.

So I am working on a Noise Field Theory but it might not be ready for publication for another 10-20 years. I'm patient, though, and will persevere in the only ways I know how to. Stick to the program. Painting and sound design for the time being. Some MOOCs on-line to learn the underlying math and theoretical computer science, programming and so forth.. the scientific, the technical part.. But in no wise would I ever allow myself to experiment with such things. It would go against everything I believe in.

But I had to start believing in myself first, and all the hard work I had done, that none of it was in vain, even though I thought I'd never make it out alive of whatever it was that possessed me. I think my desire was too ardent and it made me slightly flamboyant on the edges. But from the edges, I gained a delightful point of view, and now I'm just rolling with it. Philosophy from the edges. A little art a little at a time. Patience and perseverance, and some of that lovely music everybody seems to love so much. Now that I know it can do no harm, I am much more comfortable and restful with the thought of sharing my talents with the world.

But whether anyone will understand, or even try to, or give me a chance to explain myself, I no longer have any patience for such fruitless endeavors. The world is exactly that, a 'World'. People are 'people'. What I am, only I can be the final judge of that, so help me God.


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